A Cat, a Bat, a Riddle, a Joke, a Bird and a Coin
by oakleyroflmao
Summary: My first Fanfic, I would love reviews, its basicly about batman and catwoman its M for violence, Sorry I'm not sure when I will update it, hopefully soon. I'm basing lots of OC's off of my friends, I love this story I would update it often if work didn't suck! ON HAITUS! SO SORRY GUYS I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK, WHEN I FIND INSPIRATION I WILL UPDATE!
1. Chapter 1

Selina Kyle "the Catwoman" gracefully landed, on the roof of Two-face's hideout. Doing a quick sweep of the roof she found a metal vent grate that she could easily open, for quick entry. She pulled the grate off with ease.

She started crawling thru the vent, soon after she found another grate at the bottom of a large warehouse. She quietly opened the grate and stayed hidden in the shadows, only to see an interrogation take place, just meters away.

A man probably in his mid twenties was getting beaten into submission by Two-face's thugs. Judging be the mans uniform he was a riddler informant. "Serves him right, working for a grease ball like Eddie Nigma" Catwoman thought to her self.

The informant was tied to a chair while the thugs pounded on him with various blunt objects, sledgehammers, crowbars, sections of pipe, even a couple of baseball bats with nails driven thru them. After a couple minutes one of the thugs, evidently the leader of the group of 6 grabbed the informant by the collar and started to wail on his face with a pair of brass knuckles.

Soon afterwards he whispers to his second in command nearby. The second in command passes the leader a key and a remote detonator, while ordering the rest of the goons to tie the chair to long lengths of rope and hoist the ropes up to meat hooks hanging from the roof. Once the thugs hoist the chair up off the ground, he unlocks a lock that was hooked to a trap door underneath wear the chair was. Under the trap door was an upside down lawnmower. The leader starts the detonator and the lawnmower starts, the 5 thugs start lowering the chair down slowly while the informant screams for help, when suddenly with a slight twang, the lawnmower stops, only to have a batarang between the blades.


	2. Chapter 2

Another batarang flies by and hits the remote out of the leaders hand. The thugs drop there melee weapons and run for a nearby gun locker, as the leader reaches into his jacket and unholsters a magnum.

A large swish is heard overhead and then a metalic whir, the batclaw grabs one of the thugs and pulls him to the ground, unconscious. The 4 remaining thugs rush over to the leader all armed with automatics, the second in command hands the leader a grenade launcher. All the thugs open fire at the roof trying to hit Batman.

Catwoman stealthily crawls over to two of the thugs who are off to the side and smashes there heads together while batman drops a smoke bomb in the middle of remaining thugs. Batman then glide kicks the second in command and uses the batclaw to subdue the leader, while at the same time Catwoman is finishing off the last thug. Batman interrogates the leader and the informant before knocking them both unconscious.

He walks over to Catwoman, "What are you doing here, Selina?" He says in a coarse gravelly voice. She replies in a smooth seductive tone "I don't know Bruce, what am I doing here?" "I don't like playing mind games Selina, that's why I needed information on the Riddler." "Fine Bruce, I have unfinished business with Harvey" she hisses in a irritated tone. Then suddenly says "But maybe after we can have a little rest and recreation afterwards".


	3. Chapter 3

After Catwomans encounter with Batman, she heads thru the nearby hallways of the warehouse. She hears a large slamming noise on the other side of the door at the end of hallway, she silently slides against the wall and strafes the hallway.

Once at the door, she tries to open it. It was stuck on something, so she equips her whip, backs up and flicks her wrist. The whip effortlessly wraps around the door knob. Catwoman grasps the whip handle and tugs on it, the door knob rips right out of the door.

She opens the cracked door and walks into the room, and right on to a pressure plate. A large metal blast door slides over where the door was.

Catwoman then realized she was trapped in a completely empty room, the floor on the other end of the room started becoming electrified. A large projected 5 minute timer appears on the farthest wall the floor panels started electrifying. Catwoman knew that she was wasting time.

She noticed a vent grate on the ceiling. She uses her whip to open the grate. she grapples up and quickly crawls thru the vents, soon afterwards she finds herself on the roof, she starts running and as soon as Catwoman jumps of the roof the warehouse exploded.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean that bitch Catwoman escaped that deathtrap?" Two-face angrily exclaimed, slamming his fists on his ruined desk in his safe house.

Two-face's lieutenant Torcher seemed unfazed behind his welding mask and flamethrower.

"Then the Batfuck has to come in and ruin everything! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Two-face angrily starts pounding on his desk, as a crack starts to form."I want both of them dead. Immediately."

Meanwhile in the Iceberg lounge, the Penguin looks down at his customers from his private balcony. His deep thoughts are dismissed when he hears his private office door open.

He turns to find one of his thugs, standing at the door. "Good evening, Mr. Cobblepot, someone is hear to see you" the thug says. "Well who is it?" Penguin snaps angrily. "The Joker." The thug replies.

Moments later, the Penguin is quickly marching sown the steps as fast his short legs can carry him, his favorite shotgun umbrella in hand. As soon as he opens the front lounge door he is met by the Joker in the courtyard, Harley Quinn by his side, and the Penguin's bouncer at their feet with his skull smashed open.

Joker excitedly exclaims "Ozzie! I haven't seen you in ages!" "Fuck off! I didn't think you forgot about the no clowns policy!" The Penguin angrily shouts, his whole body shaking with fury.

The Joker is shocked with this out burst and exclaims "Well, well, well! I thought the bird had better manners than that! I believe we should go! Please do the honors Harley!"

"Sure thing, mistah J!" Harley enthusiastically exclaims. She equips her special red and black baseball black. Does a cartwheel stops inches away from the Penguin. Front flips over him and cracks him in the back of the knee with her bat. She flips over him again, lifts up her boot and kicks him squarely in the chest.

She cartwheels, flips and lands in the passenger seat of the purple convertible the Joker has just pulled up in. "Catch ya later Ozzie, ya short little stork!" The Joker manically laughs before speeding off.

"Fucking clowns." The Penguin grumbles while getting up from the pavement. "This means war."


	5. Chapter 5

After the Jokers encounter with Penguin, Joker knew Penguin would be out for blood, so to prepare a counter attack, the Joker decided to go visit his friend, a very good doctor.

Meanwhile in an abandoned lot, a small group of three thugs are arguing with a man with a presence of fear around him.

"We brought the money! Now where is the substance?" The main thug yells at doctor Johnathon Crane. The good doctor simply chuckles and says "I have what you deserve, just hold on." Dr Crane opens a briefcase on a table between the two groups. He pulls out a small spray nozzle and sprays the thugs with a toxic green fumes while chuckling. "Please! Don't do it Dr. Crane!" One of the thugs pleads.

The doctor's chuckle immediately stops and a predatory glare spreads across his face. He reaches into the briefcase once more and pulls out a brown mask, once he puts it on, he grabs the thug by the throat and menacingly states "There is no Dr. Crane. Only scarecrow!"

The three thugs dead bodies were found the next day in the middle of an abandoned lot, with a small card at the feet of one of the dead thugs. It read "Its time to be scared."


	6. Chapter 6

The Joker pulls up in front of Scarecrows hideout, an old abandoned medical school. He hops out of the car, looks back at Harley and snaps "Stay in the car!"

He strolls up the steps and opens the door, as soon as the he steps foot in the hallway he is surrounded by 8 men wearing black hoodies, gas masks and kevlar, all armed with automatic machine guns.

Moments later Scarecrow strolls in wearing a dark gray suit with a blood red tie. "What do you want now Joker?" Scarecrow asks impatiently. The Joker perks up. "Well Johnny, if you must know our good friend Ozzie is being insufferable, I want him to suffer, permanently."

Scarecrow chuckles and says "I can easily get you what you need, I just need something in exchange from you, the other day one of my boys went thru Riddlers turf to pick up some money from dealers. We found him on our door step this morning with a slit throat and one of those god-damn question marks painted on his back. If you kill him or make him suffer, you can get what you need. Better hurry thou, I heard our ex-D.A. friend is after the Riddler himself."

Joker's signature smile spreads across his and giggles and says "Easy! Catch ya later Johnny!

Meanwhile across town in a crummy run-down bar Riddler has gotten into some trouble already.


	7. Chapter 7

Across town in a bar a man dressed in a green suit is sitting alone in a corner booth. He has multiple scars on his face, his suit is torn and bloodied and his left arm is brutally mangled in a sling.

This man who looks like he just marched thru hell and back, is Edward Nash AKA Eddie Nigma, more infamously known as the Riddler. This man knows his days are numbered, he tries thinking of a happier time when things were not so fucked up.

As his mind wanders he doesn't notice the hulking man wearing a large trench coat and fedora unevenly perched on his head, approach the table, or the people leaving the building at an alarming rate.

The Riddler's clouded thoughts are soon pushed aside when the hulking man grabs Riddler by the throat and tosses him like a rag doll across the room.

Now the Riddler even thru his weakened state he knows there is a price on his head, so he came prepared. Grabbing a small remote from inside his jacket, the Riddler asks the hulking hitman "The man who built it doesn't need it, the man who bought it doesn't want it, the man who needs it doesn't know it and by tomorrow you will be in one, what am I?"

The hitman looks confused and asks "What?"

As Riddler presses the button on his detonator, the last words the hitman hears is "Coffin" before the ceiling explodes and buries him underneath the rubble.


	8. Chapter 8

**Almost 300 views in 4 dsys awesome! anways should there be a catoman/batman sex scene just message me what you think or leave review please. oakleyroflmao out**

At the Batcave, Batman has a troubled look on his face, with the recent destruction of Arkham Asylum in the Jokers latest successful escape attempt. Almost all of Batman's enemies are on the loose, he just hopes Robin is safe on his patrol tonight.

Meanwhile on the rooftops of northern Gotham city, the Boy Wonder watches over the streets for crime, nearby in an alleyway he hears an assault taking place. He swoops in and saves the day, just another patrol.

As he is walking thru the alleyway to the nearest fire escape to get up to a good vantage point. Just as he is about to walk over a manhole cover it flies upwards and a large scaly green claw grabs him and pulls him down into the sewers.

The large scaly creature is Waylon Jones, known better thru the underworld of crime as the Killer Croc. He grabs Robin by the neck and slams him against a the wall of the sewer tunnel, choking him.

Robin knows that if he doesn't act fast he is dead, so he reaches into his utility belt, grabs a batarang, and plunges it into Croc's arm.

Killer Croc's arm recoiled in pain, and took a few steps back, dropping Robin. Robin saw this as the perfect opportunity to save himself, it would have been too if the filth of the sewer hadn't made the tunnel so slick that he tripped.

As he fell, he knew survival was slim. When his head hit the ground he had to fight the oncoming wave of unconsciousness from engulfing him. Killer Croc slowly marches over, grabs several rebar poles with a wad of concrete at the end. He brings it up and is about to crash the teens face in to a pulp, when suddenly ZAP, Croc collapses and standing behind him holding a stun gun is no one else than Catwoman.


	9. Chapter 9

As Catwoman helps Robin to his feet, she mentions, "Be more careful next time, Bruce will be worried sick by now, get going."

As Robin made his way out, he failed to realize the meeting here was just a coincidence. Catwoman was already on her way here.

Catwoman quietly moved thru the tunnels to find Crocs lair. Nearby on the ground is a safe Catwoman makes quick work of it. After rummaging thru the large folders in the safe she finally finds what she was looking for, The X Chip.

The X chip's equivalent price is more than most people can ever dream of, The X chip only serves one purpose, as a panic inducer, it is a hybrid chip that has the shutdown powers of an EMP and a Complete system transfer to the chip.

So it will wipe down a brand new laptop with 100 gigabytes of info to a very expensive paperweight. And tonight Catwoman knew who wanted it. For a price.


	10. Chapter 10

Back in northern Gotham, Riddler was lucky not to be caught in the immediate blast zone, from his explosives. He is now on his way to one of his safe houses, driving his small little lime green sedan.

About halfway thru the drive home and realizes he is being followed by a big white and black van. Now Riddler always being ready for any situation, pulls out an automatic SMG from underneath the drivers chair, keeping it in hand, knowing that trouble was coming.

So he got pulled over to an abandoned back lot, he then pulls a u-turn and opens fire on the van.

The sliding door on the side

of the van slide open and a man leans out with an automatic rifle returning fire.

Riddler's small car was getting shredded by gunfire, and soon the car exploded.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Two-face is planning a full-out war all he needs is a special computer chip.


	11. Chapter 11

Its just after midnight, and at the abandoned circus grounds you can hear screams, lots of them.

In the main office at the fair grounds a police informant has been captured by the Joker. "Now, Now, Mr Haskins, I don't believe your family would enjoy finding you on the front lawn with your throat ripped out, would you? Now one last time WHERE THE FUCK IS RIDDLER!" The Joker yells.

The undercover police informant Joshua Haskins was working undercover in the Jokers gang for several months. He was captured tonight when he was ambushed coming outside of the Gotham City Head Police Department.

"Fine, you twisted maniacal fucker... 1657, avenue x, apartment number 361..Now can you let me go?" Officer Haskins asks.

"Nope!" The Joker snaps his fingers, at that moment two thugs grab Officer Haskins and carry him up a small flight of stairs and into a small plexi glass enclosure that is on top of a metal grate, he gets chained to the chair. The two thugs walk out and close the plexi glass door and lock it from the outside.

In his near unconscious daze, the informant realizes he is in a large dunk tank. He then looks down and sees bright green liquid underneath him. "Fuck, fuck fuck, I knew I shoulda took that job down at the 16th precinct"

"Hope ya like hydrochloric acid Joshie!" The Joker exclaims as he releases a detonator, and the metal platform swings out from under the informants feet.

After the screaming was gone and all that was in the tank was acid, Joker yells to Harley "Honey we have an errand to run! Don't forget the grenades!"


	12. Chapter 12

In the abandoned backlot, bullets were flying, the large black and white van, stationary with a barrage of bullets flying out of it at the small green sedan, Riddler was laying on the floor of the back seat returning fire, when suddenly he realized he was outside the immaculate Iceberg lounge!

With haste he quickly grabbed his cellphone, dialed Oswald Cobblepots number, after a few seconds a voice squawked " ello? Oy riddla what do you want?" "Well Ozzy if you looked outside you would realize my car is getting torn to shreds and I would like your assistance!" The Riddler snapped.

Within seconds the Penguin appeared on the balcony of his office with an anti-tank rocket launcher, shooting explosive death at the van with ease. The first rocket hit the backdoor of the van, welding it shut, collapsing the tires and launching burning hot shrapnel thru the vehicle. The second hit the side door, pushing it in and sending more shrapnel flying. The third rocket hit the roof and it collapsed squashing the occupants of the van. The Penguin kept shooting rocket after rocket at the burning wreck, effectively cooking alive all of the inhabitants of the vehicle alive.

After the explosions stopped, Riddler walked to the doors of the Iceberg lounge and was walked up to the Penguins office by two armed guards. In the office Penguin was sitting behind his desk, waiting for Riddler. As he entered the room Penguin dismissed his guards and told Riddler to take a seat.

After several moments the Penguin spoke " Oy! So what was tha about?" The Riddler looked at the Penguin with fire in his eyes and said "There is a war coming, I need an army" "Well? What's in it fo me?" The Penguin replied.

"The X-chip"


	13. Chapter 13

The New DA

The new Gotham City District Attorney sat in her office. Vici Herbison was responsible for the arrests of dozens of the city's so called "Super Villains" but with the recent escape at Arkham Asylum, she knew her work would not be finished for a long time.

Suddenly she heard a knock on her office door, as she opened the door she failed to notice the gas seep into the room just as she opened the door, she got a glimpse of a man in a burlap mask, a suit and red tie. Then the gas rendered her unconscious.

As she awoke she found her self in a old decrepit warehouse, probably in lower Gotham, by the docks.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the district attorney herself!" A voice haunted her ears. She knew all to well the criminal insanity of the Scarecrow and she knew she would have to fight for her life.

He appeared in front of her and untied her from the chair, before she could do anything he disappeared in a puff of black smoke. After the smoke cleared she found a small butcher knife and a tape recorder. She picked up the tape recorder and hit play. " Ms Herbison, welcome to the fear trials, you will have to play thru all of them if you would like to stay alive."


End file.
